One month until blast off

Tomorrow is February 20. Exactly one month before Quincy and I hit the road to Virginia. I’ve decided to record the nine-month journey – for myself and anyone else who apparently has nothing better to do :-)

It’s been a helluva year. I got tenure, separated from my love of 17 years, lost my house, bought a truck/horse trailer/camper, found Jesus (or he found me), felt the agony of having a lame (but-on-the-way-back-to-recovery) horse, and am about to move about as far across the country as I can get.  I’ve learned how to live in about 45 square feet, haul my house along with my horse, and actually fix things instead of calling the repair guy.  Today I drove my truck to “Tractor World,” bought Quincy’s feed and shavings for the road, and felt more at home in my own skin than I ever have.  Easy? No. Good? Yes.

Why am I going? When I’m melting (and dripping) in the DC swamp in July, I want to remember my answers.

I need some new scenery. The tenure process sucked me dry. Remember in “City Slickers” how Billy Crystal’s wife told him to “go find his smile”? I need to go find my professional smile again. I need to do some (differently) tangible work. I need to change a small part of the world with my greatest student-turned-colleague ever, Sarah.  I need new inspiration to publish articles I care about. I need to work for a leader I believe in. And I need separation from … well, my separation.

Because I can. I lost my house this year. I’m in good company with lots of people in the rest of the country. I could cry, mourn, lament. But I can also choose to be grateful that I have an opportunity to be free enough to do this. Once you get over the fear of the loss, and actually lose what you were afraid of letting go, there’s freedom. Loss has its benefits.

My government needs me. Laugh, scoff, salute. Whatever. It’s true. One of my greatest mentors, Dr. Doug Brook, left NPS for awhile a couple years ago to fill a vacancy based on a request from the Secretary of Defense. For the better part of two years, he served as The Assistant Secretary of the Navy for Financial Management, and then had a short stint as the Under Secretary of Defense, Comptroller.  He worked 12-14 hours a day, and he knew that’s what he was signing up for. That’s all interesting in itself, but what’s more interesting is what he said when people asked him why on earth he would leave his groovy academic position, in beautiful Monterey no less, to go back into the Pentagon craziness. I’ll never forget his answer.

“Because my government asked me to.”

That’s patriotism.

I wish I could say that I was as needed as he was. I’m not. But there’s a need that I can fill. So.